Seniors - Age-wise: Thank you and no thank you

I don’t think I’m ready yet. I don’t know about you, but I’m still trying to finish up the leftover Halloween candy. I’ll try to wrap my mind around the rapid approach of Thanksgiving. Just give me a few minutes to find the turkey cocktail napkins and the orange tablecloth.

I don’t know if the group you gather with on Thanksgiving follows a ritual many families do, that of going around the table as each person tells what they are thankful for that year. We did it for a while and then the novelty wore off. But this year I’ve been thinking a lot about what I am…and am not grateful for.

Of course I am grateful for a successful outcome from my operation and all the people who contributed to my well-being and recovery. I feel better than I had in almost a year and realize my lack of energy was due to poison in my system, not old age (that makes me really grateful!).

But I have to report that I am definitely not thankful to have to give up popcorn, nuts and seeds for the rest of my days. I’ve already given up Player’s Navy Cut cigarettes and two-martini lunches and dancing until dawn. What next, Denzel Washington?

I’m grateful that the presidential election is over and my guy won, but I’m very ungrateful toward the losers who didn’t listen to John McCain’s fine concession speech or at least didn’t pay any attention to what he asked. Instead of pulling together as Americans during a crisis in our history, or at least coming up with constructive criticism, nasty personal cracks are already being wafted on the radio airwaves about our president-elect and his family. I’d be grateful if some Americans just grew up.

I’m appreciative that I can still tootle around town in my little red car, buy the groceries I need and even make an occasional impulse purchase (thank you Mastercard and Visa). But I’m very ungrateful toward the guys and gals whose behavior has sucked the life out of my IRA. I thought

I had enough money to live to about age 88, but I’m having to scale down my expectations.

Unless one of you wants to take me in – of course I’ll want my own room and bath and a puppy.

But I’ll be very grateful.

To those of you who call me up at dinner time to sell me Caribbean cruises and timeshares, I’m not grateful (bang!). To those of you who send me catalogs I didn’t order and don’t want, I’m not grateful. To those of you who littered the lawns with political signs you haven’t yet picked up, don’t even ask.

I don’t know who to blame for the leaves and nuts all over my car – well, the squirrels for the nuts – but the only place that will be grateful for that windfall is the local car wash. (Pardon the pun, but I’m feeling dizzy from the sound of the leaf blower RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW.)

Another thing I don’t appreciate is strangled grammar that turns nouns into verbs. My current favorite, heard in a radio commercial, is the passing of “butlered” hors d’oeuvres. Be sure you remember that phrase on Thanksgiving when Uncle Louie lurches around the living room with the plate of salsa and chips.

If I sound like an ungrateful wretch, please understand it’s just one part of my personality. Most of the time I’m delighted with small, simple things. I’m really easy to please. Just give me a day with no snow, a fluffy down comforter, my favorite cookies, a phone call from a dear friend and I’m as grateful as a person can get.

For example, I’d be extremely appreciative if someone composed a really toe-tapping Thanksgiving song that I could hum while I’m basting the turkey. It might drown out the sound of the football game on TV in the other room. But speaking of TV, let me say that I’m always thankful to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Once when I lived in New York, my family and I went over to the start of the parade route early in the morning and watched the balloons being blown up. Now that was something to celebrate.

I guess you’ll have to make up your own list of thanks for your table this year. Maybe you’re thankful because everyone still has a job. Maybe you’re grateful for a healthy new grandchild.

Maybe it’s just that for once the rolls didn’t burn.

At this point my writing partner interrupted to say we should say we are grateful for each other.

(I’d appreciate it next year if she wouldn’t point and get fingerprints all over my computer screen.)

Finally, I’m personally grateful despite the current state of our economy, that I was born into and live in America. I spent a year in another country once, including a memorable Thanksgiving.

And though the country had superb food and beautiful buildings, I learned there’s no place like home, Auntie Em. So slice me off a piece of that turkey breast and pass the cranberries. I’m ready to take my turn and tell you all what I’m grateful for.