Before my first child was even born, when I was heavily pregnant and doing what I could to mentally prepare for having a baby in the house, I asked my mom, "When can I expect the baby to start sleeping through the night?" Though I was over the moon that Steve and I were soon to have our baby in our arms, I was a little panicky over the thought of sleepless nights followed by days in which a nap was simply not an option.
"Oh," Mom replied vaguely, "it'll just happen. It's different for every
baby." Which was not nearly a good enough answer for me. "But when?
Can't you give me a ballpark?" I asked. "You'll see," she said. "You'll
just know when the baby's ready."
I was so frustrated by that answer! And yet it was the same answer Mom gave when I asked her when the baby would be ready for solid food, or when I should start giving the baby some juice in a sippy cup, or when the toddler might be ready to start feeding himself.
And, I soon found it was the only possible answer to give, as each of my boys has done something (or many things) different from what the books said, or from what the similar-aged children of my friends were doing, or even from what their older brother(s) had done, and so my only recourse (after checking with the doctor, of course, to make sure everything was okay) was to wait on the boys' own, individualized developmental timing.
Take John, for instance. He just turned ten months old, and for nine of those months he was totally content to lie on his back and watch the world go by. Or, when he wasn't content, he'd lie on his back and flail about like a June bug, screeching to be picked up.
He didn't seem interested in rolling, except from his belly to his back when I'd put him down for "tummy time." He didn't seem at all interested in figuring out how to crawl or wriggle around. Even when I put him down for his nap or for bed, I'd find him in the exact same spot, in the exact same position, when I went to get him up again hours later. He has always liked his ExerSaucer well enough, but really his favorite positions were either on his back or in my arms.
And then, the most amazing thing happened: Over the course of a couple of weeks, all of a sudden, right around his nine-month birthday, not only did John start sitting up and scooching across the floor on his bottom, and rolling from back to front and front to back, and getting up on all fours and rocking a little -- all those things that had been most on my mind -- but he also went from nursing about a million times a day down to twice, and sleeping through the night. And on his ten-month birthday, he crawled.
"It'll just happen," Mom had said. "You'll just know when the baby's ready to move on to the next thing," Mom had said. "The baby will tell you," Mom had said. And so it was with John, just like it had been with Thomas and his sleeping through the night, and Gabe and his talking (when John was born, Gabe hadn't really started talking yet -- and now we have full conversations!), and so many other things I'd worried about in regards to all three of the boys.
I read an article recently called "Are you new?" by Karen Edmisten (www.babiestoday.com), about how motherhood is always new, no matter how many children a woman has, or how old those children are. And a friend, who has six children of her own, told me once, "You don't ever become an expert." And I totally get what they're saying -- every time I start feeling like, maybe, I might now know a thing or two about babies, something new pops up.
But for all the sense it makes to say a mom never becomes an expert, I'm still convinced my own mom is one. Mom's been a constant source of maternal wisdom and support for me, and I trust her opinion and advice more than any of the books and "experts," even though she only ever answers my questions with "You'll just know." She's been right every time, after all.
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (4), Gabriel (2), and John Dominic (10 months). She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
I was so frustrated by that answer! And yet it was the same answer Mom gave when I asked her when the baby would be ready for solid food, or when I should start giving the baby some juice in a sippy cup, or when the toddler might be ready to start feeding himself.
And, I soon found it was the only possible answer to give, as each of my boys has done something (or many things) different from what the books said, or from what the similar-aged children of my friends were doing, or even from what their older brother(s) had done, and so my only recourse (after checking with the doctor, of course, to make sure everything was okay) was to wait on the boys' own, individualized developmental timing.
Take John, for instance. He just turned ten months old, and for nine of those months he was totally content to lie on his back and watch the world go by. Or, when he wasn't content, he'd lie on his back and flail about like a June bug, screeching to be picked up.
He didn't seem interested in rolling, except from his belly to his back when I'd put him down for "tummy time." He didn't seem at all interested in figuring out how to crawl or wriggle around. Even when I put him down for his nap or for bed, I'd find him in the exact same spot, in the exact same position, when I went to get him up again hours later. He has always liked his ExerSaucer well enough, but really his favorite positions were either on his back or in my arms.
And then, the most amazing thing happened: Over the course of a couple of weeks, all of a sudden, right around his nine-month birthday, not only did John start sitting up and scooching across the floor on his bottom, and rolling from back to front and front to back, and getting up on all fours and rocking a little -- all those things that had been most on my mind -- but he also went from nursing about a million times a day down to twice, and sleeping through the night. And on his ten-month birthday, he crawled.
"It'll just happen," Mom had said. "You'll just know when the baby's ready to move on to the next thing," Mom had said. "The baby will tell you," Mom had said. And so it was with John, just like it had been with Thomas and his sleeping through the night, and Gabe and his talking (when John was born, Gabe hadn't really started talking yet -- and now we have full conversations!), and so many other things I'd worried about in regards to all three of the boys.
I read an article recently called "Are you new?" by Karen Edmisten (www.babiestoday.com), about how motherhood is always new, no matter how many children a woman has, or how old those children are. And a friend, who has six children of her own, told me once, "You don't ever become an expert." And I totally get what they're saying -- every time I start feeling like, maybe, I might now know a thing or two about babies, something new pops up.
But for all the sense it makes to say a mom never becomes an expert, I'm still convinced my own mom is one. Mom's been a constant source of maternal wisdom and support for me, and I trust her opinion and advice more than any of the books and "experts," even though she only ever answers my questions with "You'll just know." She's been right every time, after all.
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (4), Gabriel (2), and John Dominic (10 months). She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
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