When I take stock of the things I think I'm doing right as a mom, I find I'm pretty happy with many of the ways I mother
I like that the boys sleep well at night, behave fairly well much of
the time, say their prayers, get along with each other okay, and always
get A-pluses from the pediatrician regarding their health.
But one thing that I have consistently struggled with is how to foster good eating habits and peaceful mealtimes.
When Thomas was small, I spent a lot of time helping him understand that he had to eat his meal, whether he liked it or not. Then I would try to do my part by offering different foods to see what he liked and didn't like, and try to create meals that wouldn't be terribly burdensome for either of us. It worked pretty well -- he will currently eat basically anything we ask him to (though often it's with a long-suffering look on his face, and sometimes a gag or two).
With Gabe, I did something similar -- I tried to expose him to lots of things, then work with what he likes best for breakfast and lunch, and have a good, balanced dinner every night. But, unlike Thomas, up until recently Gabe mostly refused to eat what I made for dinner. And it was really really frustrating. What child doesn't like pasta? Pizza? Chicken fingers? Hamburgers? He used to love meatballs and hot dogs, so I made those a lot, but then he stopped liking them as much as he had, and really -- how often can the whole family eat meatballs and hot dogs for dinner?
And little John, who had been doing so great food-wise, so much better than his older brothers at trying and liking new things, decided, at about the same time that Gabe was at his worst in terms of refusing to eat, that he didn't like anything except graham crackers and apple sauce. I actually reverted to mixing some of our dinner, chopped fine, with rice cereal, just so he'd eat it, and you know what he did? He'd tumble it around in his mouth, swallow the rice cereal, and push the "real" food out of his mouth and down his chin.
I've heard some experts say you should never force your child to eat ... but I didn't think such small children should go to bed without dinner. They say you should let your child experiment with feeding him/herself ... but I wasn't a fan of that idea when Thomas was a baby, as I hated the idea of a mess, so I never let him do that, though I have let Gabe and John do more of that ... and who are the kids who developed the biggest aversions to food? The ones I let experiment with self-feeding! I've tried making fun dips for vegetables and meat; I've tried asking them what they'd like to eat; I've tried having them help me make dinner; I've walked slowly through the produce aisle with them at the store, pointing out different fruits and vegetables, answering their interested questions, and buying any kind of fruit or vegetable they wanted (one at a time) with the caveat that they had to try at least one bite (we've tried this several times, and each time Thomas takes one tiny bite, shudders, and refuses more, and Gabe puts his head back and wails because he doesn't want to); I've sat with Gabe at the table for an hour after everyone else was done, far past his bedtime, waiting for him to chew and swallow the one bite I'd insisted he eat, which he'd then hoarded in his cheek.
All of this not-eating-what-Mom-makes-for-dinner behavior was driving Steve and I crazy, and our dinnertimes were devolving into unpleasant experiences for all of us. So we decided something needed to change, and we put together a plan ... and we've seen real results! I'm out of space for this month's column, but next month I'll tell you what we did to make our family dinners so much more enjoyable for everyone. And this new dinnertime peace has come just in time, because we have a new baby on the way! He or she is due at the end of February, and we're all so excited to welcome this new little one (who may or may not be a good dinnertime eater!).
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (4), Gabriel (3), and John Dominic (1); they expect their fourth child in February 2010. She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
But one thing that I have consistently struggled with is how to foster good eating habits and peaceful mealtimes.
When Thomas was small, I spent a lot of time helping him understand that he had to eat his meal, whether he liked it or not. Then I would try to do my part by offering different foods to see what he liked and didn't like, and try to create meals that wouldn't be terribly burdensome for either of us. It worked pretty well -- he will currently eat basically anything we ask him to (though often it's with a long-suffering look on his face, and sometimes a gag or two).
With Gabe, I did something similar -- I tried to expose him to lots of things, then work with what he likes best for breakfast and lunch, and have a good, balanced dinner every night. But, unlike Thomas, up until recently Gabe mostly refused to eat what I made for dinner. And it was really really frustrating. What child doesn't like pasta? Pizza? Chicken fingers? Hamburgers? He used to love meatballs and hot dogs, so I made those a lot, but then he stopped liking them as much as he had, and really -- how often can the whole family eat meatballs and hot dogs for dinner?
And little John, who had been doing so great food-wise, so much better than his older brothers at trying and liking new things, decided, at about the same time that Gabe was at his worst in terms of refusing to eat, that he didn't like anything except graham crackers and apple sauce. I actually reverted to mixing some of our dinner, chopped fine, with rice cereal, just so he'd eat it, and you know what he did? He'd tumble it around in his mouth, swallow the rice cereal, and push the "real" food out of his mouth and down his chin.
I've heard some experts say you should never force your child to eat ... but I didn't think such small children should go to bed without dinner. They say you should let your child experiment with feeding him/herself ... but I wasn't a fan of that idea when Thomas was a baby, as I hated the idea of a mess, so I never let him do that, though I have let Gabe and John do more of that ... and who are the kids who developed the biggest aversions to food? The ones I let experiment with self-feeding! I've tried making fun dips for vegetables and meat; I've tried asking them what they'd like to eat; I've tried having them help me make dinner; I've walked slowly through the produce aisle with them at the store, pointing out different fruits and vegetables, answering their interested questions, and buying any kind of fruit or vegetable they wanted (one at a time) with the caveat that they had to try at least one bite (we've tried this several times, and each time Thomas takes one tiny bite, shudders, and refuses more, and Gabe puts his head back and wails because he doesn't want to); I've sat with Gabe at the table for an hour after everyone else was done, far past his bedtime, waiting for him to chew and swallow the one bite I'd insisted he eat, which he'd then hoarded in his cheek.
All of this not-eating-what-Mom-makes-for-dinner behavior was driving Steve and I crazy, and our dinnertimes were devolving into unpleasant experiences for all of us. So we decided something needed to change, and we put together a plan ... and we've seen real results! I'm out of space for this month's column, but next month I'll tell you what we did to make our family dinners so much more enjoyable for everyone. And this new dinnertime peace has come just in time, because we have a new baby on the way! He or she is due at the end of February, and we're all so excited to welcome this new little one (who may or may not be a good dinnertime eater!).
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (4), Gabriel (3), and John Dominic (1); they expect their fourth child in February 2010. She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
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