The other day I was trying to have a snack that included chocolate
chips, and when I walked into the room where the boys were watching
Curious George, in order to sit and eat my snack and keep my eye on
them at the same time, I watched in amazement as, first John, then
Gabe, then Thomas, became aware that I had chocolate.
Though I'd kept my hand over the bowl, hoping they'd never notice, all three of them perked up and turned their heads and hungry eyes toward me like those scary little dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.
Which is just so funny, because, as I wrote last month, eating has been one of the biggest struggles we've had in our house, especially at dinnertime. In fact, until recently, dinner was the very worst meal of the day. Not only did we fight with the kids about what they would and wouldn't eat, but it was really affecting Steve and I in terms of our mental health. Mostly we endured dinner, tried to make it go as fast as possible, scooted the boys off to bed right afterward, and then collapsed. It certainly wasn't what I imagined when I imagined the nightly family dinners I've always thought are so important.
And I might think that such behavior is just normal kid stuff, that every family deals with such things, except that I know a four-year-old who gets upset when her mother forgets to buy the ingredients for hummus wraps with veggies. I know a three-year-old who has loved edamame since she was a baby. I read that Gwyneth Paltrow's kids apparently go gaga over roasted carrots cut in the shape of french fries. I hear about my friends' children eating things like avocado and couscous and broccoli (happily!) and wonder what is wrong here?
It came to the point where Steve and I decided we had to do something, and this is what we came up with:
I moved dinner 15 minutes earlier, from 7:15 (which had been kind of a "soft" time -- we didn't usually really start eating until 7:30) to 7:00 on the dot (or as close as possible), so we wouldn't be rushing the kids to eat. We decided that I would start the kids eating at 7:00 even on nights when Steve was running late from work. (I've always resisted starting dinner before Steve gets home, because of my fierce desire that we sit together as a family. But Steve is usually home by 7, so it won't be that often that we start without him.)
I made a renewed commitment to always make a balanced meal -- a protein, a carb, and a vegetable -- instead of the thrown-together-at-the-last-minute meals I often made in a fit of freaking out about what the kids would or wouldn't eat.
Steve and I agreed to do a better job enforcing the fact that dinner needs to be eaten by everyone, instead of caving after the first difficult bite and serving Cheerios.
Steve and I agreed to eat dinner with the kids more often. Because it was such a painful meal for us, we often ate after the boys were in bed (though we did sit with them during dinner), but we thought if we were all actually eating together, it might help.
Steve and I agreed to do a better job of focusing on the boys during dinner, and saving our adult conversations for after they'd gone to bed. This is a hard one, because we're both so excited to be together again when Steve comes home from work that we have a million things that we want to talk about together ... but so do the boys.
And it's really been working pretty well! The kids are eating more than they used to, but even better than that -- since the pediatrician assured me they're all growing fine despite what I consider to be insufficient dinners -- dinnertime is so much better for all of us. It's much more of the "family dinner" scenario I always pictured and hoped for. I'm sure we'll continue having hiccups, and even all-out regressions, in our dinnertime success, but we're hoping that continuing to do the things outlined above will win out in the end, and create not only better eating habits for the boys, but also better memories of us sharing our meal and our day as a family.
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (5), Gabriel (3), and John Dominic (1); they expect their fourth child in February 2010. She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
Which is just so funny, because, as I wrote last month, eating has been one of the biggest struggles we've had in our house, especially at dinnertime. In fact, until recently, dinner was the very worst meal of the day. Not only did we fight with the kids about what they would and wouldn't eat, but it was really affecting Steve and I in terms of our mental health. Mostly we endured dinner, tried to make it go as fast as possible, scooted the boys off to bed right afterward, and then collapsed. It certainly wasn't what I imagined when I imagined the nightly family dinners I've always thought are so important.
And I might think that such behavior is just normal kid stuff, that every family deals with such things, except that I know a four-year-old who gets upset when her mother forgets to buy the ingredients for hummus wraps with veggies. I know a three-year-old who has loved edamame since she was a baby. I read that Gwyneth Paltrow's kids apparently go gaga over roasted carrots cut in the shape of french fries. I hear about my friends' children eating things like avocado and couscous and broccoli (happily!) and wonder what is wrong here?
It came to the point where Steve and I decided we had to do something, and this is what we came up with:
I moved dinner 15 minutes earlier, from 7:15 (which had been kind of a "soft" time -- we didn't usually really start eating until 7:30) to 7:00 on the dot (or as close as possible), so we wouldn't be rushing the kids to eat. We decided that I would start the kids eating at 7:00 even on nights when Steve was running late from work. (I've always resisted starting dinner before Steve gets home, because of my fierce desire that we sit together as a family. But Steve is usually home by 7, so it won't be that often that we start without him.)
I made a renewed commitment to always make a balanced meal -- a protein, a carb, and a vegetable -- instead of the thrown-together-at-the-last-minute meals I often made in a fit of freaking out about what the kids would or wouldn't eat.
Steve and I agreed to do a better job enforcing the fact that dinner needs to be eaten by everyone, instead of caving after the first difficult bite and serving Cheerios.
Steve and I agreed to eat dinner with the kids more often. Because it was such a painful meal for us, we often ate after the boys were in bed (though we did sit with them during dinner), but we thought if we were all actually eating together, it might help.
Steve and I agreed to do a better job of focusing on the boys during dinner, and saving our adult conversations for after they'd gone to bed. This is a hard one, because we're both so excited to be together again when Steve comes home from work that we have a million things that we want to talk about together ... but so do the boys.
And it's really been working pretty well! The kids are eating more than they used to, but even better than that -- since the pediatrician assured me they're all growing fine despite what I consider to be insufficient dinners -- dinnertime is so much better for all of us. It's much more of the "family dinner" scenario I always pictured and hoped for. I'm sure we'll continue having hiccups, and even all-out regressions, in our dinnertime success, but we're hoping that continuing to do the things outlined above will win out in the end, and create not only better eating habits for the boys, but also better memories of us sharing our meal and our day as a family.
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband, Steve, and sons Thomas (5), Gabriel (3), and John Dominic (1); they expect their fourth child in February 2010. She can be reached at sksherwin@hotmail.com.
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