The Ultimate Solution

I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! It came to me this past weekend while I was sitting under a tree getting soaking wet while bow hunting. A nut fell out of the tree I was under, hit me right in the top of my head and BANG, there it was right in front of me. It was all I could do to not jump up and kiss that ugly beach right on its wet bark.

And here's the added beauty to this solution: it will save us tons and tons of money. And put every know-it-all expert out of work. Good golly, what more could you ask for? Just imagine, all the current taxes on our outdoor supplies could disappear! All charges for hunting licenses could be rolled back to the days when hunting was a sport and not a business. All the Conservation Fund feuds would melt away. The Department of Environmental Conservation could be abolished. No more controversy about who pays for what or how it would be fair and equal. Oh! Dear Lord, calm my thumping heart!

Now, here's the real beauty of my solution... we don't have to do a thing. In fact, we could and should stop doing everything we are currently doing. See what I mean about saving money? It doesn't cost anything to do nothing. Well, it might in government, but not in civilian life.
Okay, okay, I know you're wondering just how I justify all of this. Well, here's the justification. In 2012 the world is coming to an end! I know, I know, that might sound crazy, but I heard it on TV. There's even a movie coming out to prove it. Yep! It's as good as over. It was on TV! They said that even the calendar of the Aztec Indians of South America stopped at 2012. Who's to argue with the Aztec's? Not me. It was on TV! Don't you get it? If it was on TV, it has to be true. The history channel... the science channel... the food channel... the animal channel... the travel channel, even CNN had it on.

So there you go! It's a done deal. We can just stop, pull in the welcome mat and kick back and cool it for the next couple of years and we don't have to spend a dime to do it. I've told you over and over that Mother Nature takes care of all issues sooner or later. Well, later is close to being sooner. Only a couple of years away!

Now, I'm sure there are those of you who don't believe me and sure, I know there are the doubters among you who will sneer at me and call me names. But I've got it straight from "the source." I'm telling you, it was on TV! What more could you ask for?

So, there it is. The Ultimate Solution. All we have to do is sit back and wait. I don't know about you, but I'm done. No more arguing for me. No more doing battle with government or any of these self-serving "conservation" groups we've got running all over the place trying to justify their own existence. No more checks written to far off groups telling me they know just what I should do and how I should do it, just send money. Nope! I'm done. Nope, from now on, I'm just going to sit back and cool it. I can wait two years standing on my head. Two years is nothing. Man! I can't wait. And all I had to do was sit there and get soaking wet under a tree.

Sometimes I'm so damn good it scares me. I sure hope you guys appreciate me and the insight I'm bringing you. And you don't have to take my word for any of this. It was on TV!
Oh yeah, and don't forget... plan ahead!

So, until 2012, or for how ever long it takes.

I'll see you outdoors!

You can reach Dick at totinorj@yahoo.com