Everyone responds differently to crisis; some people are vocal and open to support from family and friends, while others become reclusive and distant.
For one Ballston Lake resident, tackling his emotional and personal crisis meant coming out of hiding and opening up.
When Bob Goepfert's wife Carole fell ill, he became subconsciously withdrawn and isolated. Although Bob realized he was hiding, it wasn't until he literally stepped outside and welcomed family and friends into his yard, that he and Carole were able to open up.
Bob recently won an essay writing contest for Caring Today Magazine called "Give a Caregiver a Break." In his essay, titled "The Perfect Gift," Bob describes his experiences caring for his wife Carole, who was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Goepfert received a $5,000 prize, money that helps pay for his wife's care-giving services.
His essay begins: "It's odd when tragedy strikes, you can escape by worrying about small things." During their 44 years of marriage, they exchanged many gifts; they perfected the art of giving. But with Carole's diagnosis, the paralysis that eventually took charge of her arms, and the imminent depreciation of her health, Bob grew unsure about his previously attuned sense of giving.
In his essay, Bob describes how he took charge of household chores, taking care of his wife as a husband should.
"People would tell me taking over the daily chores of cooking, cleaning, bathing and everything else was my gift. Living in near isolation caring for her was a generous gift, they would tell me. Certainly any kindness is a worthy gift, but I have a problem calling a responsible act of love a gift," he wrote.
As Carole's husband, Bob viewed his commitment to care-giving as an implied duty. He wanted to give her a gift that meant more, but found he was unable to do so.
"What I couldn't do was lift Carole's spirits," Bob wrote.
In her healthier years, Carole was devoted to her garden. As winter became spring, Carole's spirits remained low; she couldn't look forward to caring for her garden and watching it bloom with the coming of warmer months.
"One day she confided in our daughter Lisa, that she couldn't bear going outside to see the gardens that would soon fall into decay because she couldn't take care of them," Bob wrote.
Immediately, he regained his confidence in gift-giving. Bob contacted Carole's friends, and they set to work in her garden. Soon, neighbors and friends joined in, those close to the Goepfert's who had wanted to reach out but didn't know how.
This "friendship garden" project opened Bob's eyes, teaching him to reach out rather than hide.
"The experience taught me I cannot do it alone. There is a time when you have to go outside and seek help--be it volunteer or professional. The world is filled with good generous people and caring professional organizations willing and able to help if told how they can be of assistance," Bob wrote.
According to Bob, journaling also helped him come out of his shell. By documenting his experiences and emotions, he was able to look back and reflect on his thoughts and become more connected to them. Although his prize-winning essay results from a separate writing process, the therapeutic benefits are similar. Bob hopes that his essay will help other people in his situation, by teaching them about reaching out and asking for help.
Bob learned that people want to help, they are happy to be a part of something positive, and that's important for other caregivers to know.
"You cannot underestimate how much people care and will help you if they know how," he said. "You have to tell people how to help you. For us, it was a simple thing about a garden, but the response was so overwhelming and generous."
To read Bob Goepfert's essay and other care giver's stories, visit www.caringtoday.com
When Bob Goepfert's wife Carole fell ill, he became subconsciously withdrawn and isolated. Although Bob realized he was hiding, it wasn't until he literally stepped outside and welcomed family and friends into his yard, that he and Carole were able to open up.
Bob recently won an essay writing contest for Caring Today Magazine called "Give a Caregiver a Break." In his essay, titled "The Perfect Gift," Bob describes his experiences caring for his wife Carole, who was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Goepfert received a $5,000 prize, money that helps pay for his wife's care-giving services.
His essay begins: "It's odd when tragedy strikes, you can escape by worrying about small things." During their 44 years of marriage, they exchanged many gifts; they perfected the art of giving. But with Carole's diagnosis, the paralysis that eventually took charge of her arms, and the imminent depreciation of her health, Bob grew unsure about his previously attuned sense of giving.
In his essay, Bob describes how he took charge of household chores, taking care of his wife as a husband should.
"People would tell me taking over the daily chores of cooking, cleaning, bathing and everything else was my gift. Living in near isolation caring for her was a generous gift, they would tell me. Certainly any kindness is a worthy gift, but I have a problem calling a responsible act of love a gift," he wrote.
As Carole's husband, Bob viewed his commitment to care-giving as an implied duty. He wanted to give her a gift that meant more, but found he was unable to do so.
"What I couldn't do was lift Carole's spirits," Bob wrote.
In her healthier years, Carole was devoted to her garden. As winter became spring, Carole's spirits remained low; she couldn't look forward to caring for her garden and watching it bloom with the coming of warmer months.
"One day she confided in our daughter Lisa, that she couldn't bear going outside to see the gardens that would soon fall into decay because she couldn't take care of them," Bob wrote.
Immediately, he regained his confidence in gift-giving. Bob contacted Carole's friends, and they set to work in her garden. Soon, neighbors and friends joined in, those close to the Goepfert's who had wanted to reach out but didn't know how.
This "friendship garden" project opened Bob's eyes, teaching him to reach out rather than hide.
"The experience taught me I cannot do it alone. There is a time when you have to go outside and seek help--be it volunteer or professional. The world is filled with good generous people and caring professional organizations willing and able to help if told how they can be of assistance," Bob wrote.
According to Bob, journaling also helped him come out of his shell. By documenting his experiences and emotions, he was able to look back and reflect on his thoughts and become more connected to them. Although his prize-winning essay results from a separate writing process, the therapeutic benefits are similar. Bob hopes that his essay will help other people in his situation, by teaching them about reaching out and asking for help.
Bob learned that people want to help, they are happy to be a part of something positive, and that's important for other caregivers to know.
"You cannot underestimate how much people care and will help you if they know how," he said. "You have to tell people how to help you. For us, it was a simple thing about a garden, but the response was so overwhelming and generous."
To read Bob Goepfert's essay and other care giver's stories, visit www.caringtoday.com
Main Menu
Leave a comment