{"id":34900,"date":"2020-06-18T22:24:11","date_gmt":"2020-06-19T02:24:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/?p=34900"},"modified":"2020-06-19T10:10:49","modified_gmt":"2020-06-19T14:10:49","slug":"business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"
Bill Murray, Ph.D., is a partner in Keene Murray Therapy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

By Bill Murray and Gretta Keene<\/p>\n

Relationships lie at the heart of a business. As psychotherapists, we have observed that effective communication promotes healthy relationships. And healthy relationships will improve the outcome, whatever challenges your business is currently facing.<\/span><\/p>\n

We teach our clients this important and often overlooked principle of effective communication: Everyone is in their own movie.<\/span><\/p>\n

We all tend to assume that others are experiencing life in the same way we are. In fact, that\u2019s why we\u2019re often puzzled\u2014or outraged\u2014by other people\u2019s words and actions. Their behaviors don\u2019t make sense in our movie, so we label them wrong or bad or stupid or worse.<\/span><\/p>\n

But if we could see the other person\u2019s inner movie, follow the plot, and hear the soundtrack, it would become clear. We might not agree with the movie\u2019s premise, we might dispute the motivation assigned to the various characters, but we could understand how it all fits together.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
Gretta Keene, LCSW, CST, is a partner in Keene Murray Therapy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Covid-19 is spreading, leaving economic turmoil in its wake along with massive amounts of anxiety and confusion. If there were closed captioning for everyone\u2019s inner movie, we might read [ominous music] as a description of most soundtracks.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is more crucial than ever for business leaders to keep in mind the principle everyone is in their own movie, as they communicate with employees, customers, and vendors and keep their relationships\u2014and businesses\u2014as healthy as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

This means that, rather than assuming we know how others are experiencing this crisis, we recognize that everyone is taking in information differently and from different sources, and interpreting it in different ways, depending on their background and previous life experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

How can you put this principle into practice? Here are some suggestions:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Ground yourself in the present moment. We\u2019re not exempt from the distortions caused by fear and dread. While it\u2019s important to bring clear-eyed planning to worst-case scenarios, fear-driven responses (often described as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn) emerge from a different part of the brain\u2014one that short-circuits thoughtful communication and perspective-taking.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 As a way to dispel a focus on fear, ground yourself in the present moment. That\u2019s what the practice of mindfulness is all about. Here is a link to some practical instruction, Mindfulness in Business: www.youtube.com\/watch?v=s9BDziasyH0.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Be curious and kind. Fear is a natural enemy of curiosity. The panic of \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do\u201d and the single-minded reaction of \u201cI\u2019ve got to do this\u201d leave no space for the openness and explorative interest that comprise curiosity. But curiosity, coupled with compassion, is essential for effective communication.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Start with yourself. Imagine that a kind and interested friend\u2014someone you trust\u2014is asking you about your needs and concerns because they simply want to understand what life is like for you just now. Allow your thoughts and feelings to emerge and simply notice them without judging them as bad or stupid or wrong. They just are. That\u2019s your movie.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Use the same approach with others. People tend to respond well to conversations that begin with this sort of kind curiosity. A second step reinforces the effectiveness of the communication\u2014the skill of paraphrase.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Paraphrase. We teach couples a technique we call Speaker-Listener to improve their overall communication skills. An essential element is learning how to paraphrase accurately.<\/span><\/p>\n

The person who is the speaker relates some aspect of their inner experience\u2014their movie\u2014a few sentences at a time. The person who is the listener is required, first, to listen. Then the listener must put into their own words what it is they understood the speaker to have said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our final suggestion regarding effective communication is an adaptation of a tried and true sales technique: Yes, and . . . <\/span><\/p>\n

Curiosity has elicited the other person\u2019s experience\u2014their concerns, hopes, and needs (their movie). Paraphrasing has insured that you understand accurately. \u201cYes\u201d indicates that you see those concerns, hopes, and needs as valid. Too often, though, what follows \u201cYes\u201d is \u201cbut,\u201d which sets up a dynamic of conflict. It can be experienced as, \u201cI understand your needs; however, my needs take precedent.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, and\u201d places both people\u2019s concerns, hopes, and needs side-by-side.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Bill Murray and Gretta Keene Relationships lie at the heart of a business. As psychotherapists, we have observed that effective communication promotes healthy relationships. And healthy relationships will improve the outcome, whatever challenges your business is currently facing. We teach our clients this important and often overlooked principle of effective communication: Everyone is in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":34901,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-healthcare"],"yoast_head":"\r\nBusiness Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\r\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By Bill Murray and Gretta Keene Relationships lie at the heart of a business. As psychotherapists, we have observed that effective communication promotes healthy relationships. And healthy relationships will improve the outcome, whatever challenges your business is currently facing. We teach our clients this important and often overlooked principle of effective communication: Everyone is in […]\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Saratoga Business Journal\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-06-19T02:24:11+00:00\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-06-19T14:10:49+00:00\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg\" \/>\r\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"433\" \/>\r\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"666\" \/>\r\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\r\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"jessewinters\" \/>\r\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\r\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"jessewinters\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\r\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/\",\"name\":\"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-06-19T02:24:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-06-19T14:10:49+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/b937a48daf87d7a8bd713a73b5d6a1ae\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg\",\"width\":433,\"height\":666,\"caption\":\"Bill Murray, Ph.D., is a partner in Keene Murray Therapy.\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/\",\"name\":\"Saratoga Business Journal\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/b937a48daf87d7a8bd713a73b5d6a1ae\",\"name\":\"jessewinters\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6e8be6b88bb90339e8bf3f66727dfded55218192d7b7fd01fe8e55608cc3a8f8?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6e8be6b88bb90339e8bf3f66727dfded55218192d7b7fd01fe8e55608cc3a8f8?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"jessewinters\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/author\/jessewinters\/\"}]}<\/script>\r\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal","og_description":"By Bill Murray and Gretta Keene Relationships lie at the heart of a business. As psychotherapists, we have observed that effective communication promotes healthy relationships. And healthy relationships will improve the outcome, whatever challenges your business is currently facing. We teach our clients this important and often overlooked principle of effective communication: Everyone is in […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/","og_site_name":"Saratoga Business Journal","article_published_time":"2020-06-19T02:24:11+00:00","article_modified_time":"2020-06-19T14:10:49+00:00","og_image":[{"width":433,"height":666,"url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"jessewinters","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"jessewinters","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/","url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/","name":"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie - Saratoga Business Journal","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg","datePublished":"2020-06-19T02:24:11+00:00","dateModified":"2020-06-19T14:10:49+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/b937a48daf87d7a8bd713a73b5d6a1ae"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/48\/2020\/06\/shrinks-murray-bw.jpg","width":433,"height":666,"caption":"Bill Murray, Ph.D., is a partner in Keene Murray Therapy."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/2020\/06\/business-report-everyone-is-their-own-movie-2\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Business Report: Everyone Is Their Own Movie"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/","name":"Saratoga Business Journal","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/b937a48daf87d7a8bd713a73b5d6a1ae","name":"jessewinters","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6e8be6b88bb90339e8bf3f66727dfded55218192d7b7fd01fe8e55608cc3a8f8?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6e8be6b88bb90339e8bf3f66727dfded55218192d7b7fd01fe8e55608cc3a8f8?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"jessewinters"},"url":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/author\/jessewinters\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34900"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34900\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34903,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34900\/revisions\/34903"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34901"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.saratoga.com\/saratogabusinessjournal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}